


A Special Convenience

by loonagarbage



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Happy Ending, Lesbian, Loona - Freeform, Romance, lipsoul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-29 22:23:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19839730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loonagarbage/pseuds/loonagarbage
Summary: Jungeun is having a rough night - something she has grown increasingly accustomed to, but no better at coping with. Drunk, bruised and disheveled, she staggers into a convenience store, only to have her life permanently changed by the girl behind the counter.





	A Special Convenience

Jungeun’s eyes were raw. Her chest hurt, her hands were trembling, her cheek stung and she struggled to take a proper breath in, but all she wanted was a damn candy bar. She stumbled down the street scarcely lit by dim streetlamps, her head throbbing, some of her senses still dulled from alcohol. The store at the corner was like a beacon - lit up on all sides with windows and a neon sign with one of the letters’ bulbs flickering.

She nearly flinched at the door’s bell that jingled above her head when she entered. Harsh fluorescent bulbs made her squint at first while her vision adjusted. It was nothing special: a convenience store with picked at shelves, dirty, half-mopped linoleum tiles, and quiet pop music from ten years ago providing a nearly surreal ambience to the entire place. For a few moments Jungeun wondered if she’d passed out and merely imagined all of this, and it didn’t help that the person behind the counter didn’t seem like she fit in this dingey store in the slightest.

It would be impossible to deny that she was beautiful. Even with her drab, blocky uniformed shirt and the unflattering lighting, her skin seemed to glow. Her hair was tightly pulled back, showcasing a sharp, defined jaw and what one might refer to endearingly as plump cheeks. Her eyes flitted up from the sound of the door’s bell, meeting Junguen’s for a moment and shooting her a fleeting smile. Although Jungeun knew that it was probably a generic expression - something that the cashier did any time a customer came through the store - something so simple, that small smile, was the best thing that’d happened to Jungeun all day. 

Jungeun approached the register, grabbing the first candy bar she saw and setting it into the counter. The unsteady girl let herself scan the cashier’s vest for a nametag: Jinsol. She wasn’t sure why she so wanted to learn her name - she didn’t plan on saying it. She simply wanted to know. Jinsol quickly rang up the candy, her motions fluid and automatic, before gently telling Jungeun the price in a soft voice.

Jungeun nodded, pulling her wallet from her pocket with trembling hands. She could only imagine how terrible she must’ve looked then: shaking, beaten up, still fighting off her tipsiness, staggering into a convenience store at three in the morning. She’d barely even considered it at first, and if the cashier had been practically anyone else, she still wouldn’t have. But now? Jungeun found herself intensely second-guessing every decision she’d made that led her on the other side of Jinsol’s counter in the state she was in.

Her hands trembled so intensely that the coins she’d pulled out fell from her palm, clattering on the counter. “Oh--” Jungeun blushed, fumbling to correct her mistake, “--I’m sorry, I--”

“--No worries. It’s fine.” Jinsol spoke more firmly, cutting off what would have been a flood of haphazard, slurred apologies. “Really. No sweat.” The cashier made sure to gently reassure the clearly distraught girl.

Jungeun was in such disarray and her head was so foggy that she was having a hard time even counting the money out for herself. For a few lingering moments Jinsol watched her, delicately swapping coins from palm to palm with a slightly furrowed brow. It wasn’t difficult to tell that Jungeun was at the very least inebriated enough to struggle with things. Drunkenness or a rough night were the only real explanations for why she would’ve been at the store so late in the first place. Jinsol finally dared to gently reach across the counter, hovering before making direct contact to silently ask permission. Jungeun glanced up at her, but didn’t recoil, which Jinsol properly interpreted as drunken acceptance. The cashier carefully took the necessary coins from Jungeun’s palms, making sure to loosely wrap Jungeun’s fingers into a fist around the remaining money to show her she could keep the rest. It took Jungeun a few extra seconds to process that and shove the remaining money back into her wallet, sniffling subtly as she did so. This night had gone _so_ far off the rails.

“Here you go,” Jinsol smoothly slid the paid for chocolate bar across the counter and Jungeun took it into both hands, “Have a nice night.” It felt odd to say that - to ignore Jungeun’s blatant distress and disarray and to treat her like any other customer - but Jinsol was on the clock. It wasn’t as if she could drop everything and dote on this stranger like a confusing part of her wanted to. Plus, her manager was in the back room still, doing inventory.

  
Jungeun held the chocolate bar weakly, cradling it like she was worried it would crumble apart. Everything felt so fragile. _She_ felt so fragile. The transaction was complete, she was aware that she was expected to leave now, but she didn’t want to. She had no ride, her head was still swimming, and Jinsol was the first friendly face she’d seen all night. Although still semi-aware that it was strange, the trembling girl simply took a slight step aside - leaving space for any other potential customers who wanted to go to the counter - and unwrapped her candy bar.

Jinsol politely averted her eyes, busying herself with pricing things and sweeping the floor. In truth, Jungeun was simply content to stay there, to be with someone who had been kind to her. She loosely hugged herself in a futile effort to stop trembling, taking small bites from her chocolate as she snuck the occasional glance at Jinsol puttering about. In all honesty, the poor girl nearly felt like breaking down in tears and sobbing on the floor, her vulnerability absolutely consuming and debilitating, but she kept it together.

Jinsol couldn’t help but notice the glances, which were less subtle than Jungeun thought she was making them. She also couldn’t help but notice the sniffles, or the way that Jungeun’s eyes were red around the rims, or the slight bruise that was already forming on her cheek. The unspoken societal norm of customer-worker relationship was preventing her from making any potentially invasive comments on any of these things. Deep down Jinsol knew that whatever Jungeun was going through, the thing she likely needed most was to take her mind off of it, and for someone to give her the courtesy of simple kindness. Which she was more than able to do.

“It’s really late.” Jinsol muttered, shedding her customer-service voice that she normally would have used when making a mundane comment like that. It was as personal as she’d let herself get, for the moment.

Jungeun sniffled again, blinking rapidly when the burning in her eyes intensified, “Yeah.”

Jinsol stretched out her arms above her head, letting out an exaggerated comical yawn. She peeked open one of her eyes, wondering if that might be enough to get a smile out of the sad girl, but saw that wasn’t the case. “I’m tired,” The cashier confessed with a pout.

Jungeun took a quiet breath to steady her voice, “Me too. Sorry you have to work.”

“It’s okay.” Jinsol shrugged. She was used to the graveyard shifts by that point, but that didn’t make them any easier. “Not many people come in anyways.” That was true. She idly drummed her fingers along the counter to the beat of the outdated music, giving Jungeun another smile for good measure.

“I like your tattoo.” Jungeun blurted out maybe a bit too quickly - wanting to give the compliment before she lost her nerve.

Jinsol flinched from the comment at first, confused, before looking toward where Jungeun weakly pointed. “My--? Oh,” The tattoo in question was one of many, but this one was new. It was on the inside of her wrist - a small little rainbow she usually kept covered with a bracelet. It had crept out from the edge of her sleeve into view. “Um, thanks. It’s... sorta new.”

“Cool...” Jungeun trailed off, wondering if she had been out of line. She wasn’t quite sure of anything right then. Not wanting to think about it, she resigned to take another bite of her candy bar and a small step toward the door. She worried she was overstaying her welcome. Maybe Jinsol wanted her to leave? Maybe she was being weird and invasive? Maybe she seemed like some delirious, wandering drunk? She wasn’t sure. But all of her uncertainties and insecurities were temporarily lifted when Jinsol smiled at her softly again, and spoke up.

“I’m Jinsol.” The cashier watched warily as Jungeun started to slowly pace around, just hoping she wouldn’t fall over. She was very off kilter.

Jungeun swallowed the bite she’d taken from her candy bar so fast she nearly choked on it, “Jungeun.” Her attempt at nonchalant strolling almost came crashing down when she managed to trip over her own shoe, so she instead decided on standing stiffly next to one of the shelves. Jinsol pretended she hadn’t seen the fumble. It was mildly endearing to see Jungeun drunkenly clumsy, but also saddening, in a way. It was easy to tell that Jungeun wasn’t happily inebriated at that moment. Clearly, something had gone wrong that led this young girl to this sketchy convenience store so late at night. Jinsol wasn’t going to pry, but she was curious.

“Do you live nearby...?” The cashier dared to prod ever so slightly, mainly for fear of setting this girl loose onto the streets with no way of getting home.

Thankfully, Jungeun didn’t hesitate, “Yeah. Do you?”

The question caught Jinsol off guard, partially because it was more complicated to answer than it should’ve been, “U-uh... sorta.”

A silence spread. It was heavy, but not tense or uncomfortable. The two girls simply lingered, maintaining eye contact for those long moments, both their minds buzzing with thoughts and emotions that neither of them had anticipated feeling that night. Neither understood it. The confusion lasted just as long as the silence did, and when Jungeun finally spoke, it was as if all of those uncertainties dissipated into the air around them.

“I should go.” The tipsy girl turned on her heel and headed straight for the exit. She felt... stupid. She felt a lot of things, but primarily stupid. She’d spent too long in this store, and taken up too much of this cashier’s time with strange smalltalk and unasked for compliments. She felt silly, like some drunken mess staggering about town. In truth, she’d just wanted someone to talk to. Even if it wasn’t about what had happened to her earlier, or all the troubles she was willingly walking back into by returning to her routine of life, she just wanted to speak to someone who would treat her like a person who mattered. And unexpectedly, she’d gotten that from Jinsol. For those short minutes she’d spent in that convenient store, she’d gotten what she’d so desperately wanted - something she herself wasn’t even aware how badly she needed. And although her eyes still burned and her throat was still tight, her chest had lost the hollowness it’d gained earlier at that dreaded party she’d dragged herself to.

Jinsol nodded, a bit startled by the sudden exit, “Yeah, um... goodnight.” The door’s bell jingled upon being opened, but Jinsol made sure to say one last thing before Jungeun stepped outside, “Be careful walking home, yeah?”

A tear rolled down Jungeun’s cheek - thankfully out of Jinsol’s view. She wiped it away with the heel of her hand, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Thank you... you’re sweet.” With that last, barely audible comment, Jungeun ducked out into the brisk night air, dipping her head and stumbling her way home.

🦉🐟🦉🐟

Jungeun wasn’t sure what exactly had led her to the spot she was in; weeks later, standing on the corner of that same store, pacing in small semi-circles as she considered what she was even doing there. So much time had passed. The interaction had been so small. It was likely that Jinsol had forgotten it altogether by then - so why on earth had Jungeun taken the time out of her night to march all the way across town at two in the morning? She again, wasn’t sure. She’d simply felt compelled. The familiar hollow feeling in her chest had only gotten worse and worse as time wore on, and she couldn’t help but remember how it’d only ever alleviated when Jinsol had been nice to her for those fleeting moments on that horrible night.

The problem was working up the actual courage to head inside. It was incredibly presumptuous of her to think Jinsol would give her the time of day. Sure, it was odd hours. Jungeun had been hovering outside for what must’ve been twenty minutes, and not a single soul had gone in, meaning they were far from busy. She’d caught a glimpse of Jinsol behind the counter, she knew she was working - that wasn’t the issue. The issue was Jungeun’s inexplicable nerves. In reality, she knew that she was overthinking this. Jinsol likely wouldn’t remember her, and would simply treat her like any other customer, and that would be that. Maybe she’d be lucky enough to get another smile. But honestly? That would be enough.

Taking a much needed deep breath, Jungeun finally pushed the door open. The bell jingled. Her heart stopped for one brief moment, when she didn’t see Jinsol - or anyone - behind the counter. Had she waited too long to go inside? She considered leaving, waiting, calling out, and crying all in one second, only for Jinsol to step out from some sort of back room. She lugged a small box with her that she set atop the counter and started to swiftly unpack, not noticing Jungeun’s presence.

“Hey,” The uncharacteristically timid girl took the five or so steps to the counter, wondering why on earth she could already feel herself shaking so much. Maybe it was because Jinsol was even prettier now that Jungeun was fully sober.

“Hello, how can I--” Jinsol recited her typical customer greeting, before actually lifting her gaze and registering Jungeun’s face. Recognition flashed behind her eyes, making Jungeun’s chest flutter. “Oh! Um, hey?” The confusion behind Jinsol’s voice made Jungeun start to second-guess herself even more. “My shift is ending...” Jinsol muttered under her breath, as if it was a secret.

Jungeun understood why when a man emerged from the back room as well. He wore the same uniform as Jinsol, albeit it looked far less nice on him. He was balding, on the older side, with a beer belly and various stains on his shirt. Jungeun knew it was an invalid thought, but she somehow felt like he was invading or interrupting just by being there. Interrupting what, she wasn’t sure. But she wished he hadn’t shown up.

His eyes lingered on Jungeun, “Need somethin’?” He must’ve been replacing Jinsol, because once he emerged from the back, the blonde started gathering up her things.

Jungeun felt put on the spot, “Um, no, I just...” She trailed off, staring dumbly at Jinsol. She was scared to admit that in truth, she’d come here for her. The blonde locked eyes with the brunette at the way her response stopped short, but Jungeun never finished it. She didn’t know what to say.

“No loitering. Buy something or leave.” The man grunted dismissively, brushing Jinsol out of the way so he could stand properly behind the register. Jungeun didn’t like that he touched her, but she was confused as to why she cared so much.

Jinsol seemed unfazed, simply slinging a messenger bag onto her shoulder before heading toward the door. She shot Jungeun another quick smile, but that seemed to be that. After a moment or two of conflicted consideration, Jungeun followed her - rushing outside perhaps a bit too frantically to make sure she could catch up.

“Wait--” She spotted Jinsol a short way down the road and quickly jogged toward her. Jinsol turned with a raised eyebrow, and her confusion was more than warranted. Jungeun was well aware that this may seem weird, maybe even creepy, but she just felt... compelled. And her concern was coming from a genuine place. “Uh-- you shouldn’t walk home by yourself... it’s really late.” This convenient store was in an unseemly neighborhood in a city that was already far from safe in the good parts.

Jinsol shifted the weight of her messenger bag, gripping the strap of it with slender fingers, “I walk home by myself every night, and I have yet to die.” The mild attempt at dark humor normally would’ve earned a laugh from Jungeun, but not then. Not when she felt so intensely uncertain of what she was doing, or if she was being far more invasive than she had any right to be. Jinsol shrugged, seeming indifferent, “I got mugged once, but I didn’t have any cash on me, so it’s whatever.” With that foreboding statement, she started to walk again - heading off the actual sidewalk and toward a nearby alleyway. She moved slowly, as if waiting for Jungeun to follow.

Jungeun did, partially not caring if she was misreading nonverbal cues, “Are you kidding...?” Jinsol shook her head, and Jungeun felt her stomach drop to her shoes. “That’s awful.”

“That’s life.” Jinsol muttered, her tone hard to read. There was still a semblance of a smile on her face.

Jungeun took note that Jinsol wasn’t telling her to leave, wasn’t warding her away, or picking up the pace in an effort to keep her distance, which were all relatively good signs. Despite all of that, she still found herself nervous, confused, and aimless. A significant part of her that she couldn't ignore was still genuinely unsure as to why she was even there. And she was sure that sentiment was also shared by Jinsol.

The city was eerily quiet that time of night. The sound of their shoes crunching against the gravel of the alley was the only real noise, besides a distant highway. At first, the quiet was relatively welcome. Jinsol seemed oddly content to just stay in it, thinking, but the further they walked the more uncertain Jungeun became. Was she just... going with Jinsol, now? Someone who she knew essentially nothing about, besides her name? It seemed that way.

Jungeun cleared her throat ever so slightly. “Do you live far from here?” Only after she asked the question did she realize something, “Um, I-I think I asked you that last time didn’t I?”

Jinsol nodded with a soft sigh, stopping still all of a sudden, “You did... and it’s a short drive but a long walk. Twentyish minutes if I go on main roads but shorter if I’m bold enough to cut through scary alleyways.”

Jungeun swallowed hard in preparation for what she was about to ask, bracing herself for rejection, “Well how about I walk you home? Maybe the alleys will be less scary with two of us.” Jungeun was normally a rather confident, self-assured girl in most situations, and part of that thankfully re-emerged in her at that moment. Her voice was steady for once.

Jinsol’s eyebrows both raised, absolutely stunned silent by the question. Her lips parted and closed a few times, processing the question over a few long moments, “U-um, you don’t have to do that. Really. It’s probably out of your way, you--“

“--I’ve got nothing better to do.” Jungeun wasn’t sure if she was being pushy. Was Jinsol trying to politely ward her off, but was too kind to outright say no? It didn’t seem that way. If anything, Jinsol just seemed flattered - as if she considered the kind offer unwarranted or undeserved.

Jinsol tilted her head, still trying to dissuade Jungeun from being unnecessarily generous, “It’s so late...”

“That’s ok. My sleep schedule has been doomed for weeks.” That wasn’t a lie, either. Jungeun’s entire life was always in some state of disarray. In truth, all she really wanted was to walk with Jinsol for a little while, regardless of what time of night it was, how strange of an offer it may’ve seemed, or where they were going.

Jinsol chuckled airily, “I guess if you really want to...” The tall girl started to walk slowly down the alley they’d stood in, “It’s this way...”

Jungeun stuck close. The silence of the city became even more pronounced, as the two didn’t say a single word along the way. Neither of them were quite sure why, but they didn’t feel like anything had to be said. Both of them were tired, even if they’d also both deny that fact. Both of them were confused by the spontaneity of this situation, and semi wondering if it was going to fall apart any second. And both of them were so inexplicably content to just... be there with each other. Jungeun was a bit startled by how badly she’d wanted to hold Jinsol’s hand, but she resisted the urge and buried the thought.

Jinsol had been right, the walk lasted around fifteen minutes or so. Jungeun had let her mind wander: to the first night she’d met Jinsol, and how bad it had been for her, and how similar it was to this night as well. Now that she thought about it, bad nights were far more frequent than good ones. More often than not, she found herself on the verge of tears in some unfamiliar neighborhood, with a bruised cheek or a split lip as well as a new fracture in her heart and self esteem. She wondered just how much more of it she could bear before she’d finally break it off, but she’d always wondered that, and never had an answer. The bar always seemed to be lowered with no end in sight. She kept telling herself that once she graduated, she’d end it with him. In truth, she knew that she deserved better, but by this point her reputation had been tarnished so terribly that the type of person she truly deserved wouldn’t want her. She felt isolated and trapped in her gossipy, toxic school system, and all she could hope for was some sort of ambiguously better future. The intangible aspects of that were absolutely terrifying to the poor girl, but she never let herself think of them for long. It hurt too much, and she was already dealing with enough. In reality, it tired her. It _exhausted_ her. And as she walked with Jinsol - someone she felt oddly comfortable with, perhaps due to the anonymity of it all - she found herself nearly consumed by her drowsiness.

The further they went, the worse the area they were in seemed to become. The gravel they walked on turned to shattered glass and cigarette butts, and the comforting silence turned to ambience of distant shouting matches and bantering drunks. Jungeun’s sleepiness made her almost not take notice, but she was slightly snapped out of her stupor when the two passed beneath a loud overpass. After crossing another dimly lit road, Jinsol suddenly stopped in her tracks. Jungeun did as well, despite her confusion.

“Um... so here it is.” Jinsol spoke nervously, a slight blush coming to her cheeks.

Jungeun blinked unevenly, “Huh? Oh--” She suddenly realized that Jinsol meant they’d come to her house. In all honesty, she hadn’t even known this was a place where people lived. They stood next to a dingey, small shack of a building that Jungeun would’ve assumed had been abandoned. It was directly beneath the overpass - the two needed to speak up just to hear one another over the sound of the cars roaring by above their heads. “Sorry, I’m just a bit out of it...”

Jinsol nodded, but said nothing in response. The longer they stood there outside the door, the more her blush deepened, to the point that it’d spread down her neck and even to her ears. Jungeun didn’t quite understand why she was so embarrassed.

“Thanks for walking with me. You really didn’t have to, but... how’re you gonna get home now?” Jinsol’s voice was more unsteady than Jungeun had ever heard it before. She reached into her bag and started fumbling for a keychain, and Jungeun couldn’t help but notice her trembling hands. She was so distraught, all of a sudden - that blush not having lessened in the slightest. “Do you have anyone who could pick you up, or...?” She laughed, but it was forced and stilted. “I highly doubt you live anywhere near here...”

Jungeun didn’t see any point in lying about her situation, “Um, yeah, I’m sort of far... think it’s too late for anyone to get me...” Only as she said these things did she realize just how little she’d thought any of this through. Her house must’ve been a thirty minute walk away, and she felt just about ready to pass out and sleep on the sidewalk. Now it was her turn to blush - feeling stupid and shortsighted all over again. She tried to counteract it, to pretend as if she didn’t feel as stranded as she was. It was her own problem, not Jinsol’s. “It’s fine, I can walk back. No problem.”

Jinsol pursed her lips for a second, her normally tan skin still red as a beet, “If you’re going to, please use main roads. With lights.” The extent of her concern actually made her sound protective over Jungeun, and it made the younger girl nearly smile, despite everything.

Jungeun just nodded, “Right. Lights. Sounds good...” Against her better judgement, she started to step away, her motions slowed from how drained of energy she was. They hadn’t talked much, or really even learned anything more about each other, but that small walk they’d shared had made Jungeun’s night. In truth, it was all she’d needed, but Jinsol felt differently.

“Wait, Jungeun.“ Jinsol called out, needing to shout to be heard over the overpass.

Jungeun paused, turning back and ignoring the way her chest had unexpectedly fluttered when Jinsol said her name, “Yeah?”

“Would you want to stay over...?” Jinsol’s voice almost broke midway through the offer, she was so visibly uncertain of herself. Junguen barely had the chance to raise an eyebrow before Jinsol started to ramble, “Nevermind, that’s probably creepy, my bad, just um, just head home I’m--”

“--It’s not creepy, it’s nice.” Jungeun quickly interjected, stepping closer again. Jinsol stopped dead in her tracks. She looked so scared and worried that she’d said the wrong thing, that she’d made a mistake, but she hadn’t. And although Jungeun was undeniably nervous, she couldn’t even imagine ever being scared of Jinsol. “If it’s not too much trouble... I’m really sleepy.” She admitted her exhaustion in a quieter voice, partially hoping it’d be drowned out by the passing cars. Jinsol caught it.

“U-Uh, yeah, of course, just...” The blonde quickly tugged her keys from her bag, fumbling noisily with them before finding the right one and slipping it into her door’s lock. She needed to oddly twist and push against the faulty knob to properly get it open, “Please be quiet, my roommate is sleeping and he gets pissed if I wake him up.”

Jungeun made a gesture of zipping her lips shut that made Jinsol smile slightly, her persistent blush even lessening a bit. After holding the door open for her, Jinsol delicately shut it - grimacing when it creaked. Jungeun understood the need for all the quiet when she took a single step inside an incredibly small room and spotted a gangly boy sprawled out, unconscious on a sofa. Jungeun stopped in her tracks, only to jump slightly when she felt a hand placed on her forearm. Jinsol mouthed “sorry” for startling the girl, before guiding her toward one of two doors in this cramped space. Once they were through it and it was shut behind them, the two both let out a breath they’d been holding in.

“The walls are thin, so...” Jinsol whispered softly, shrugging her bag from her shoulder and setting it down on the floor. The room they’d stepped into was incredibly tiny, similar to the one they’d just been in. There was barely enough space for a single twin bed stuffed into a corner, and a tiny desk with a slightly broken chair. “Uh, he sleeps on the couch already so I can’t really offer you that... here, you take the--”

“--don’t even try to insist that. It’s your place.” Jungeun tried to be firm.

But Jinsol was adamant in her hospitality, “And you’re my guest. You get the bed.”

“No--”

“-- _Yes_.” The firmness to Jinsol’s voice made her volume raise just a bit too much, and both the girls stopped still for a moment to listen for any shifting from the other room. There was nothing. A collective sigh was let out, “It’s fine, look, I have a um.... this--“ Jungeun watched as Jinsol moved to her tight closet, tugged out a handful of pillows, and laid them out in a haphazard cluster on the grimey floor, “See?”

Jungeun shook her head, “That’s not a bed, Jinsol.”

The taller girl shrugged earnestly, a charming smile on her face, “I’ve slept on worse.”

The comment was meant to be a flippant observation, but it made the air tense. Jungeun felt her heart wrench subtly from the bleak thought of Jinsol being stuck, sleeping on the street or somewhere even worse. Jinsol’s face fell as she realized the dark undertone of what she’d said without much thinking, but neither of the two addressed it any further.

“Um... just uh, don’t look for a sec while I change?” Jinsol asked, still standing in front of her closet. She gestured toward her worn out work shirt and dusty slacks, trying to hide just how eager she was to get out of them. Jungeun nodded, turning to face the wall and doing her best to keep heat from rising to her cheeks as she listened to the sound of shifting fabric behind her. “Do you want to borrow anything...? That doesn’t look too comfy.” She referred to what Jungeun was wearing - a tight, sequin crop top and high-rise jeans.

The reference to her outfit made the younger girl blush and momentarily consider explaining why she was so done up - that she’d been at yet another party in an attempt to socialize, only to somehow receive even further ostracizing from her peers - but decided against it. She’d gone to Jinsol to get away from all that, not to relive it.

So the brunette muttered a simple, “Yeah, that’d be great,” and listened as Jinsol rooted further around in the closet.

“Here,” Jinsol told her softly. Jungeun blindly extended her hand backward, not yet turning around for fear of catching a glimpse of something that would only fluster her irreparably, “You can look now.”

Jungeun listened, turning to see a much more casual Jinsol - with her hair let down around her shoulders as she wore loose-fitting sweatpants and a hoodie. A soft sweater with a college logo printed on its chest was placed into her outstretched palms. Jinsol politely averted her eyes as Jungeun slipped it over her head, comforted by the soft material and a flowery, perfumey scent that lingered on the collar. She then slipped beneath the covers of Jinsol’s bed, watching as the blonde settled awkwardly on the makeshift mattress on the floor. Guilt tugged at her chest, but exhaustion also tugged at her eyelids. Before either of them really knew it, they’d both fallen fast asleep.

🦉🐟🦉🐟

Jungeun was awoken abruptly by the sound of what must’ve been a passing semi-truck from the overpass above the house. She jolted upright, the noise so loud and the vibrations so palpable that it was as if it’d plowed straight through the living room. She rested her hand on her chest in an effort to slow her rapidly beating heart, only to see Jinsol on the foot of the bed, tying her sneakers. Jinsol had locked eyes with her after she’d shot awake, and was courteous enough to give Jungeun a moment or two to recuperate before laughing softly at how genuinely terrified the brunette had seemed.

Jungeun laughed weakly as well, “Don’t laugh! That was really loud! It scared me!” Jinsol just kept on laughing, only seeming encouraged by Jungeun’s protests. “Quit it!” Jungeun playfully threw her pillow toward Jinsol, who only laughed even harder when it made contact.

“Big baby...” The blonde muttered between her laughs just as she finished her shoes’ ties. She wiped at the corner of her eye as she recovered from all the good-natured chuckling, “Well, good morning.”

Jungeun realized only then just how wide she was smiling and how light her chest was. Wow. She’d never felt that way before. Usually waking up involved stressing so intensely about what the day would contain that she went to school with painful stomach aches. Now? For those fleeting moments of teasing laughter, she’d felt like she was a different person. Like she was somewhere else, like she wasn’t the Kim Jungeun that people would laugh at in the halls or throw food at in the cafeteria. She felt like someone that people could care about, someone who could be happy. But once she realized the dissonance from her normality and was pulled back to the life she knew she truly lived, her smile slid from her face just as quickly as it had formed. Jinsol was too busy gathering her things up to notice, thankfully.

“Where’re you going?” Jungeun asked softly as she watched Jinsol.

The blonde stopped for a moment, “I’ve gotta head to work.” She was dressed differently, but she wasn’t wearing the uniform she usually had on at the convenient store.

“Oh. Want me to walk you there?” Jungeun started to slowly get out of bed. Shockingly, that was the best sleep she’d had in weeks.

“No, um-- it’s not-- I have another job. I’ve gotta take a bus.” She said that as if it was embarrassing - ducking her head low to avoid eye contact and hide a blush that settled on her cheeks.

Jungeun nodded, looking at this room in the new light of the early morning. It was small, almost claustrophobically so, but it was actually sort of cozy the way Jinsol had managed to scarcely decorate it.

“Is this place expensive...?” Jungeun asked softly, silently wondering why Jinsol needed to have two jobs at her age. She couldn’t have been more than a few years older than her, and Jungeun was only just about to finish high school. Most kids Jinsol’s age were in college, Jungeun thought. She glanced down at the sweater Jinsol had given her - at the undeniable college logo printed there - and only felt even more curious.

Jinsol scoffed under her breath, “With a roommate? No.”

“Oh... do you go to school?” Jungeun was aware enough to worry that she may be prying, but she just wanted to learn more about Jinsol. She wanted to get to know her, to talk to her, to be around her. She just couldn’t quite find a way to do so without it seeming forced, which she was worried might ward away the girl she was trying so hard to get closer to.

Jinsol paused mid-motion at the question and Jungeun wondered if she’d unintentionally struck a nerve. Her lips parted, ready to backtrack, but stopped when she actually received a blunt response. “Used to. Dropped out.”

Jungeun nodded at the answer, but it only left her with more questions. “Ah. Didn’t like it?”

“Nope, loved it.” Jinsol responded immediately that time.

Jungeun was confused. She wasn’t sure if she was just being dumb or accidentally insensitive, but it didn’t make much sense to her. She wracked her brain for potential reasons Jinsol would drop out of a school she loved, and remembered one of her teachers saying that this particular university was really expensive. That might explain it. “Oh. Was it just super pricey?” There was no shame in that. Jungeun was well aware that her future education would likely run her into the ground with debt.

Jinsol sighed, “Yeah, but it’s not like they couldn’t afford it.” She muttered that last part under her breath, as if she hadn’t even quite wanted Jungeun to hear. The girl had been listening too closely to miss it, though.

Jungeun slowly scooted to the foot of the bed, watching intently as Jinsol carefully counted out change in her palm - likely for the bus. “Who’s ‘they’?” Jinsol shut her eyes for a few moments, which was when Jungeun really wondered if she was crossing a line. “I’m sorry, I just--”

“--my parents. They kicked me out and told me I had to pay for my school by myself. Which, I obviously can’t, since they gave me all the debt, too. So I’ve got not one shitty job, but two, which I’m working almost eighty hours a week, but I still have made barely a dent in all that fucking debt, and that’s only from one year of school so I don’t know how I’ll _ever_ be able to go back and...” The blonde trailed off slowly, her voice raising the longer she’d ranted. She caught herself, blinking a few times as she came down from that. She glanced at Jungeun’s stunned face and blushed, “Fuck. Sorry.” She quickly finished loading up her bag and got to her feet, walking toward the door.

Jungeun caught her wrist as she passed. Sure, the younger girl hadn’t at all anticipated that rant, but anyone could’ve seen that it needed to come out and had been buried somewhere deep. Jinsol was physically shaking from having said it all, and although it was faint, Jungeun thought for a moment that the blonde’s eyes were glossy. Every piece of information she received only left her with more burning questions, and although she felt like a burden for asking them all, she desperately wanted to know.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize.” Jungeun said in as genuine of a tone as she could. Jinsol wouldn’t look at her, and she smoothly slid her hand from Jungeun’s grasp. “ _I’m_ sorry. And you don’t have to answer this, like at all, but... why the hell would your parents kick you out and do that to you...?” Jungeun was simply baffled by the concept. Though nearly every aspect of her life was borderline hellish, her mother was the best part - consistent and supportive and kind. She didn’t want to believe that anyone’s parents could be so cruel without reason.

Jinsol shook her head weakly, letting out a long sigh, “It’s...”

Jungeun instantly sensed the hesitance and backed down, “You don’t have to tell me. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--”

The blonde held up her hand, stopping Jungeun mid-sentence, “It’s... um...” The tall girl stared down at her feet, clenching her fists as if she was bracing for some sort of impact, “I, uh, I told them that I like girls.” She blurted out the last chunk of her explanation in one quick breath, so rapidly that Jungeun almost couldn’t even understand her. Almost.

The younger girl was absolutely shell-shocked, her eyes going wide, not at all having expected that answer, “Oh...”

Jinsol sniffled, and in an instant started to absolutely crumble to pieces, “Fuck, I-I... sorry, just, sorry, you didn’t need to know that I-- but, um, you can leave,” She reached to open the bedroom door, holding it that way for a moment before instead seemingly deciding to step out herself - as if giving Jungeun room in case she wanted the distance, “Go-- I-- I mean if you want, you can-- I-I won’t bother you anymore--” 

“What?” Jungeun didn’t let the incredibly distraught blonde get far, moving close despite the way Jinsol seemed to flinch from every step she took in her direction, “Jinsol, it’s okay.” The brunette made sure to state that very matter-of-factly, like there was no question about it. Because to her, there _wasn’t_. She was absolutely baffled that Jinsol’s parents had truly done something so terrible to her all because of her sexuality. That was likely the absolute worst thing that Jungeun could’ve predicted was the situation, and in truth she hadn’t been prepared to hear it. She’d never been faced with something like this, with such an egregious act of human cruelty and intolerance, and she was unsure how to respond or comfort someone who’d faced that so directly. All she knew for sure was that she wanted to let Jinsol know, first and foremost, that it was alright and that she’d done nothing wrong.

Jinsol stopped dead in her tracks from the words, blinking with tears clinging to her eyelashes. She was completely dumbfounded. “Huh?”

Jungeun didn’t hesitate to repeat herself, taking another step closer, “It’s okay.”  


“I-It is?” The way that Jinsol’s voice broke made Jungeun’s heart just ache. The fact that Jinsol herself was stunned by the mere concept of acceptance was so deeply saddening.

Jungeun nodded, “ _Yes_. It’s totally fine--” A short sob finally left the older girl, and her beautiful features contorted into such visible pain and sadness that it made Jungeun nearly gasp aloud. She stepped closer, gently resting her hands on the sides of Jinsol’s arms in efforts to steady the violently trembling girl, “--it’s fine! Don’t...” At first, she’d been uncertain, but as she watched tears stream endlessly down Jinsol’s red cheeks, she couldn’t hold herself back anymore. The next second she’d wrapped the taller girl in her arms, holding her close and as tight as she could. Jinsol balled up fistfuls of Jungeun’s sweater, clinging to her as if her life depended on it. The younger girl was startled by just how hard Jinsol started to sob from the embrace. “It’s fine, it’s okay... it’s okay...”

Jinsol bawled for a minute or so longer, Jungeun’s grip not loosening in the slightest. The younger girl was more than content to hold onto her for hours if it was what she needed, but Jinsol came to her senses much quicker than either of them would’ve thought. She recoiled suddenly, frantically wiping the tears from her face, “Oh, god, what am I doing, I’m sorry--”

“--Stop apologizing.” Jungeun tried to scold her gently, but simply didn’t have it in her to make her voice even remotely firm. All she wanted to do was hold Jinsol’s hand and tell her over and over that it was alright.

Jinsol chuckled hollowly, “I just, um... I’ve never had a good reaction to that before.” She said that like it was a good thing, like this was some sort of accomplishment. And it _was_ a good thing - someone finally accepting her was undoubtedly good, but the fact that it’d taken so long and that she’d suffered so much for something as simple as acceptance was not something to celebrate.

Jungeun swallowed hard, startled to feel a slight lump in her throat from all of these unexpected emotions, “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”  


Jinsol sniffled again, swiping her thumbs beneath her eyes, “Thank you...” Her voice was flooded with so much audible, potent emotion, it was overwhelming. Jungeun hadn’t prepared herself for any of this when she’d shown up at the convenience store the night before, but she wasn’t complaining. Not at all.

  
The younger girl sighed in dismay, “I... wish I could help.”

“Stop. You don’t need to help me, you don’t even know me really.” Jinsol muttered, moving toward a nearby mirror to make sure her makeup wasn’t absolutely ruined.

Jungeun followed every step of the way, feeling drawn to her, “I want to know you. I’d love to know you.”

Jinsol was shocked silent, yet again. She stared at Jungeun, almost as if she was suspicious or didn’t trust it, but her suspicion couldn’t deny the genuine, goodhearted tone to Jungeun’s voice. “...Okay. Um, here--” She pulled a paper and pen from her bag, writing out her phone number and handing it to the brunette.

Jungeun held it as if it were made of gold, giving Jinsol the most genuine smile she may have ever smiled.

“I... really do have to catch my bus. Do you have a way to get home?” Jinsol asked, most of her composure having returned to her by then. It was impressive to see, after she’d been broken down in hysteric tears mere minutes before.

“Yeah, no worries.” The two of them stepped outside, knowing they needed to part ways but neither of them wanting to. “I’ll text you?”  


“You better.” Jinsol shot finger guns at the brunette as she stepped away, before cringing at herself and muttering “Sorry,” under her breath. It earned a laugh from Jungeun, and that was more than Jinsol ever could’ve asked for.

🦉🐟🦉🐟

Meeting and getting to know Jinsol in those few weeks had been a welcome albeit brief interlude in what Jungeun would call a borderline unbearable existence with little reprieve. As a result, a deep part of her sought Jinsol out, but the older girl was spoken for at nearly all hours of every day. She worked constantly, and whatever breaks she did have between shifts or jobs were when Jungeun was in school. It was agonizing for the two, though they did their best to maintain rather consistent contact over text.

One day, Jungeun had simply had enough. She left school in the middle of the day, hopped into her car, and drove straight to Jinsol’s second job when she knew she had an hour break. Fighting back an impending emotional breakdown, she spotted Jinsol sitting on a bench right outside the mall she worked in. Jinsol spotted the brunette coming and stood, confusion and concern written all over her face.

“Jungeun? What’re--” She caught the car keys that Jungeun suddenly tossed at her.

“Can you drive?” Jungeun asked in an audibly strained voice.

“Yeah, why-- are you okay?” Jinsol asked, trying to grab onto Jungeun to stop her for a moment, but the younger girl was having none of it. Jinsol just followed as Jungeun quickly walked back to her car and ducked into the passenger’s side, leaving the blonde to get behind the wheel.

“No.” Jungeun finally answered honestly right before she slammed her door shut.

That was far from the answer that Jinsol wanted to hear, but she waited until the two were both in the car before asking about potentially sensitive information. “What’s the matter?”

Jungeun shook her head back and forth, shutting her eyes to keep the tears in, “Just... take me somewhere no one knows me.”

Jinsol did. Without any further questions, the blonde drove and drove, down back roads and long winding streets until the city was long behind them. Neither of the two spoke a word. The further they got away, the more even Jungeun’s breathing became. Her composure was slowly but surely returning, and that was all that mattered to Jinsol. Finally, the older girl decided they’d gone far enough, and pulled over on a rural road. She was startled when Jungeun didn’t hesitate to get out of the car as soon as it slowed to a crawl, already walking into an adjacent field before Jinsol had even turned off the engine. The blonde quickly hopped out after her and caught up, just as Jungeun decided to sit on the grass, taking a long, steady breath.

Jinsol joined her, hesitating for only a moment before daring to ask, “What happened...?”

Jungeun shook her head, rubbing at one of her temples. She knew that Jinsol only had good intentions, and that she had every right to pry into her life after she’d done the same to her a mere week or so before. More than anything, though, Jungeun wanted to forget about what had happened. She wanted to get away, to bask in the distance they’d put between herself and that life, to be with Jinsol and talk about anything else. The immature part of Jungeun wanted that, but the mature part knew that it might actually help to talk about it. She didn’t talk to _anyone_ about it, not even her mother, who desperately wanted to know. She herself had been so conditioned to be ashamed of what she was dealing with that she was more accustomed to simply keeping it internalized. Telling someone would be hard, but it also might be what she needed.

“Just... people at school.” Jungeun stated the most simple summarization she could possibly think of, knowing it wouldn’t be enough, but it was all she could muster to begin with.

“What’d they do?” Jinsol asked the only logical question that could be derived from Jungeun’s vague explanation, but she’d dreaded it nonetheless.

Admitting this made her feel vulnerable and weak: two things she hated feeling but was frustratingly used to. When she tried to speak, the words nearly got caught in her throat, but as she looked at Jinsol’s soft features and warm brown eyes, she knew that this girl wouldn’t ever think of judging her.

“They... call me names, throw shit. Shove me against lockers.” Jungeun tried to sound as indifferent as she could, to mask how truly affected she was by it all. It was a weathered defense mechanism engrained deep in her from months of this abuse: don’t show them how much it hurts, or it’ll only goad them on.

Jinsol visibly balked at Jungeun’s words, and when she next spoke, her voice was drenched audibly with such mounting anger it nearly scared the younger girl, “What?” Jungeun said nothing. She couldn’t meet Jinsol’s eyes anymore. Jinsol was livid, “Why the fuck do they do that to you?” She sounded just about ready to get back in the car, drive to Jungeun’s school, and personally break the necks of anyone who’d ever wronged the brunette.

Jungeun shrugged, hating the way that she could already feel her eyes burning, “It’s always been like this. I dunno.” She took a deep breath in preparation, making her next words more honest than the ones before it, “It’s worse now.”

Jinsol scooted closer, her fists clenched into white knuckled fists to cope with the unanticipated urge for vengeance she felt deep in her stomach. “How?”

Jungeun chuckled weakly, finding it oddly humorous just how little Jinsol knew about the situation, when she was constantly surrounded by people who knew every single minute detail of it. It was oddly refreshing that for once, _she_ was getting the chance to tell the _real_ story, instead of fabricated, exaggerated rumors spreading like wildfire amongst heartless teens. Despite that, however, Jungeun knew it’d take quite some time, and that to a lot of people it was probably just boring high school gossip that Jinsol simply might not want to hear.

“It’s a long story.”

Jinsol didn’t hesitate to counter with, “I’ve got nothing better to do.” Jungeun knew that wasn’t true. She knew that Jinsol only had about fifteen minutes to be here before they had to drive back to the city for her shift at the convenience store. Even so, she acted as if she had all the time in the world. And that was so heartwarming and sincere, Jungeun barely even knew how to respond, besides tell Jinsol what she apparently wanted to be told.

Jungeun took a long, deep breath before starting her spheal, “My boyfriend, he um... he’s this big jock guy, really popular, dated a head cheerleader, all that shit. He hooked up with me, a-and he told me it was because he’d broken up with her, but he actually hadn’t at the time. So everyone in the whole school thinks I’m some sort of ‘homewrecker’ who like, broke up the cute class couple, but I didn’t, I-I didn’t I _swear_ I didn’t know--”

“--Jungeun.” Jinsol cut off the younger girl firmly, even making sure to reach closer and clasp onto her trembling hand for further emphasis. “You don’t have to tell me, I believe _you_. Not a bunch of shitty high school assholes.”

Jungeun smiled, blinking away the first wave of tears that’d settled at the top of her chest from that sudden confession. That on its own was groundbreaking for her. Everyone at her school took her at face value as a liar, and didn’t believe a single word out of her mouth. Nobody believed her side of the story, if they even let her say the entire thing, which on its own was a rarity. But there was more, and it didn’t get any better.

“I stayed with him cuz he’s the only person who’d even talk to me after it all... but he’s _such_ an _asshole_ , he... he hangs it over my head, like at any point he could just break up with me and I’d be even more alone. He drags me to parties all over town but then he leaves me alone to hangout with his friends, so I just wind up getting cornered by the girls there who hate me, and there’s usually a fight and it’s just... I can’t go anywhere. They all think I’m the devil.”

Jinsol squeezed Jungeun’s hand gently, “You’re not. You’re the nicest person I’ve ever met.” The sincerity behind Jinsol’s voice made the younger girl almost break. Her lip started to quiver, and Jinsol hated to see it, quickly trying to comfort her further so she wouldn’t have to witness Jungeun crying, “They can all go fuck themselves, you don’t need that shit. College is better. I _promise_ you, college is better, Jungeun.”

The brunette sniffled, running her free hand down her face for a moment to regain a semblance of composure. “...right. Almost done.” That’s what she’d been telling herself for months and months, but it never made what she was currently going through any easier. 

Jinsol smiled softly, “There ya go, see? Almost done.”

Jungeun sighed weakly, “This year has been the worst of my entire life. I swear, it feels like it’s gone on for a decade.”

Jinsol felt such a deep, consuming protectiveness grip her when she saw Jungeun being so raw and honest. Primarily, she felt honored and grateful that Jungeun even felt close enough to her to be so open about such serious things. “Well it’s almost over. You’ve got, what, a month left? You can do it, I know you can. And I’m here for you, even if I can’t always meet in person like this cuz of work. You can text me whenever, okay? Even call me, if I’m on break.”

Jungeun nodded, “I know.” She smiled at Jinsol, a smile radiating gratitude and appreciation that the other girl could tangibly feel. And she hugged her again, wrapping her arms around her neck and squeezing as tightly as she could. Jinsol returned the embrace automatically, and was reluctant to let her go, since she knew that Jungeun would be walking straight back into that hell the next day, and the next, for a month until she could escape it. It put a bad taste in her mouth, but she couldn’t do anything about it.

🦉🐟🦉🐟

A few weeks later, it was one of Jinsol’s very few nights off, which she planned on using to take a bus to the park. She hadn’t heard from Jungeun for a few days, and their communication had overall been scarce since that day in the field. A few half-hearted attempts at making plans to meet fell through due to busy schedules, and most phone calls were cut short from a lack of time on one end or another to talk. Jinsol hadn’t thought much of it, she knew that it was Jungeun’s last year of high school which always tended to be pretty packed full of events and exams, and although it wasn’t the happiest thought, she felt that she wasn’t a very significant part of Jungeun’s life. So as she got ready to leave and her roommate answered a knock on the door, her heart nearly leaped straight out of her chest at the sight of a tearful Jungeun on her doorstep.

Jinsol didn’t hesitate for even a second to pull the distraught girl gently into her bedroom and shut the door for an added layer of privacy. Jungeun let herself be set down gently on the edge of Jinsol’s bed, watching through blurred vision as the blonde knelt in front of her.

“Hey, hey hey, shh...” Jinsol whispered softly, daring to reach up and gently brush her thumb along Jungeun’s tear-stained cheek. “It’s okay, it’s alright, you’re here, I’m here...” Jungeun let out a small sob, the sound of which made Jinsol’s chest ache so much she thought it may be concaving. The older girl scooted closer, “No no, don’t... it’s okay. Don’t cry, Jungeun-ah, please don’t cry.”

Jungeun sniffled, but the harder she tried to keep herself together, the further she seemed to come apart. She couldn’t help it. “I-I’m sorry, I-I shouldn’t have--” Her words were broken off by a sharp sob she couldn’t swallow down.

“--You’re always welcome here.” Jinsol insisted softly.

Jungeun shook her head, realizing that Jinsol was fully dressed with her bag and shoes on. “A-Are you going somewhere? I-I’m sorry, I’ll go I just--” Jungeun actually started to stand up, as if to leave, but Jinsol was having none of it - gently holding the younger girl down by both of her hands.

“I always have time for you.”

Jungeun stopped still, the genuine sentimentality behind Jinsol’s tone startling, but indescribably endearing. It was just what the brunette needed to hear to stay in place, to know she could actually talk about her problems without feeling as if she was burdening someone who didn’t want to listen.

“Why’re you crying...? Did something happen? Can I help?” Jinsol asked, making her words slow and soft. The sound of Jungeun’s tears was the worst thing she’d heard in her entire life.

Jungeun sighed tearfully, another failed attempt to regain a semblance of composure, “He broke it off.” That on its own would have been enough cause to cry, but that wasn’t the worst of it. “He broke it off a-and he cheated--”

Jinsol stood suddenly, as if she was going to bolt straight out the door, “I’ll kill him.” The anger so clearly on her face actually made her look scary - a word that Jungeun never would have thought to associate with Jinsol.

The younger girl still held Jinsol’s hand and she tightened her grip to hold her in place, “No, he’s just some stupid dude...”

  
Jinsol raised an eyebrow, seeming to have misunderstood. She assumed that Jungeun had genuine feelings for this boy, based off the scarce information she had. “So he’s cheated twice now?” Jungeun nodded, “But _you’re_ the one who’s gonna get the shit for it?” Jungeun nodded. “Why not him?? He’s clearly the one who’s been cheating!” Jungeun nodded again defeatedly, and Jinsol groaned in overwhelming frustration, “ _God_ I _hate_ men.”

“Me too.” Jungeun added softly, wiping her own tears away with trembling hands. The longer she was there, with Jinsol at her side speaking to her in her familiar, gentle voice, the better she felt. Jinsol helped to detach her from the constant hell she found herself trapped within, and it was a welcome relief, despite the girl being constantly aware of its impermanence.

Jinsol sighed again before moving to sit at Jungeun’s side. The two stared down at the floor of Jinsol’s room, silent. Jinsol had a lot more questions, but was relatively cautious to ask any of them, for a multitude of reasons she herself wasn’t even brave enough to address quite yet. Regardless, she chose one - doing her best to keep her fear from her tone.

“So... if you didn’t really care about him, why’re you so sad?” She brushed her thumb gently along the back of Jungeun’s hand.

Jungeun shrugged, still working to wipe away the remnants of her tears, “It’s... stupid...”

The blonde turned to fully face Jungeun on the bed, “I’m sure it’s not. Talk to me...”

Jungeun laughed airily under her breath, mainly at herself. Deep down, she would always think that it was a stupid, simple thing, and not something at all to be moved to tears over, but it was a fragile hope she’d been clinging to for months. “I just... wanted to go to prom.”

Jinsol hadn’t quite anticipated that, but she didn’t think it was stupid. “Oh...”

Jungeun quickly tried to explain herself, to justify why it had upset her so much, “He was supposed to be my date. That’s all I wanted. This year has been... _such_ shit, and I-I thought that at the very least he could give me the whole prom thing, where he’d wear his tux and we could dance to a slow song, and now... I don’t get _any_ of that.” Saying all of that aloud only thinned Jungeun’s composure all over again, leaving stray tears to trail silently down her cheeks that she tried frantically to wipe away.

Jinsol didn’t say a single other word. Instead, she silently got to her feet and moved to her small desk and the ancient laptop perched atop it. Jungeun watched with burning eyes as Jinsol clicked a few times on a trackpad, confused as to what on earth she was doing, but only having to wonder for a minute or so.

Before Jungeun could ask any questions, a soft song started to play from the speakers on that laptop. The music had a consistent, slow tempo that filled the room.

“Wha...?” Jungeun whispered softly in confusion, raising an eyebrow as Jinsol walked back to her. She extended her hand down, which Jungeun dumbly stared at. Only after Jinsol pushed her hand closer did Jungeun dare to reach up and clasp it. She let herself be pulled to her feet, and for Jinsol to clasp that hand and place her other one gently at Jungeun’s hip. Before the younger girl knew it, the two were gently swaying from side to side, following the beat of the music.

Jungeun’s tears stopped in an instant. How could she possibly cry anymore? At first, her surprise made her stiff, but it only took a few moments for her to relax. The distraught, shaky girl dared to rest her head against Jinsol’s shoulder, where it seemed to fit perfectly.

And for a second, even though she knew she was in Jinsol’s small, two room apartment, with the song being played through a low quality laptop speaker, Jungeun felt like she was special, perhaps for the first time. She could hear Jinsol’s steady, comforting heartbeat and her warm fingers intertwined with hers and she shut her eyes, letting herself get lost in her own imagination. She may not get the prom she’d wanted, but nothing ever really went the way she’d planned anymore. And maybe... just maybe, this unplanned version was better.

🦉🐟🦉🐟

During the last few days of Jungeun’s final year of high school, and after that day the two had danced in Jinsol’s room, the two saw each other as often as they could - which admittedly wasn't much. The day before that fated prom - something that had once been a light at the end of the tunnel and was now a bittersweet obligation - Jungeun made sure to head to Jinsol’s convenience store on her break, bearing ice cream.

“Hi.” Jungeun greeted the blonde as she emerged from the store, feeling the similar lightness in her chest that she got whenever Jinsol was around. Jinsol sighed happily at the younger girl, and the two chose to sit beneath a nearby tree.

“Gosh, you’re a sight for sore eyes.” Jinsol told her fondly, taking the ice cream that’d been bought for her.

Jungeun found herself blushing unexpectedly, “Ha, uh, you too...” She trailed off just as her smile faded. It was the first time that they’d seen one another in person since that night in Jinsol’s room, and the impending prom had far from left the forefront of Jungeun’s mind.

Jinsol was intuitive enough to infer as much, “How’ve you been feeling...?”

Jungeun shrugged, taking a bite of her ice cream in an effort to cheer herself up. It was moderately effective for a few welcome albeit fleeting moments. “I’m holding it together...” That was as honest and straightforward as she could be.

Jinsol nodded. Her natural response was to try and think of some sort of solution to the issue, but that was much harder than she was prepared for. “Why don’t you take one of your friends instead? I went with a friend.”

Jungeun laughed bitterly, “What friends?”

Jinsol’s face fell from the bleak statement, “Oh. I’m sorry...”

“It’s okay...” Jungeun found herself blushing, mainly in anticipation for asking a question she hadn’t considered before that very moment. She swallowed down the encroaching nerves and dared to speak up, “Would _you_ want to come with me?”

Jinsol had only just taken a bite of her ice cream and was so caught off guard that she sputtered, needing to cover her mouth with a napkin and wipe stray ice cream from her chin. Jungeun giggled softly at the display, unsure how she should interpret that reaction. Jinsol took a few seconds to recover from her embarrassing fumble, “As a friend...?”

Jungeun paused. When she’d initially asked the question, that’s what she’d considered it as: a friend going with a friend so they wouldn’t be alone. But now that the potential of something else had been brought up...? Jungeun needed to think for a moment. And just the fact that she needed to stop and think at all was incredibly jarring, for both she and Jinsol. The two stared at each other for a few seconds in the silence, before seeming to lose their nerve simultaneously and break the eye contact. Jungeun was unsure what this meant. Whatever had just happened needed a lot more thought and consideration than she was currently prepared to give it, so she tucked it in the back of her head for the time being.

“Yeah. A friend.” Jungeun specified, but her mind was buzzing and her heart was beating fast.

Jinsol took another slow bite of her ice cream, visibly rattled by that brief interaction but trying to mask it. “I... have to work.” The two both knew that her jobs were intensely strict and wouldn't allow for last minute changes in the shift schedule. It was a long shot, Jungeun simply hadn’t considered it when she’d asked. All that had been on her mind was the image of walking into prom with Jinsol, showing off how beautiful she was to all of the girls who always shot her dirty looks and shoved her against the lockers. To show them that she had a life outside of that hell, and that she knew someone who was better than any of them could ever hope to be.

But she didn’t say any of that aloud. No, instead she simply nodded, a blush still lingering on her cheeks, “Yeah, right, I should’ve known that. It’s fine, it was a dumb idea anyways, it’s whatever--” She tried to dismiss it, but the more she thought about the idea, the more attached to it she became, despite knowing it wasn’t possible. She couldn’t help it.

Jinsol was quick to speak up, “It’s not dumb, I’m sorry for never being available.” Never in her life had she hated her busy schedule more than at that moment.

Jungeun sighed, reaching to gently clasp Jinsol’s hand, “It’s okay. You’re here now, and that’s enough, even if you can’t be my date.”

Jinsol nearly sputtered again from the word, just barely able to steady her voice enough to speak, “Date--?”

Jungeun corrected herself quickly, “Friend, sorry.” That correction was nearly instantaneous, automatic even, but the two were both fazed by the fumble. Why had Jungeun said that so flippantly? Was it an accident? A Freudian slip? Neither of them truly knew, in actuality.

Jinsol was the first to clear the dense air, attempting banter to normalize that incredibly abnormal interaction, “Oh, so we’re ‘friends’ now hmm?” Jungeun laughed warmly, shoving the blonde by her shoulder. “Didn’t know we were ‘friends,’ I wasn’t informed.”

“Shut up. Of course you’re my friend.” Jungeun insisted firmly, not wanting there to be any room for doubt, no matter how playful.

Jinsol was her friend. Maybe even the closest friend she’d ever truly had. And although she’d never properly considered her as anything else prior, that one slip up affected Jungeun more than she’d been prepared for.

🦉🐟🦉🐟

Prom was just how Jungeun had predicted: bittersweet, lonely, and damn near threatening. She felt as if she had to stay off the dance floor, since clusters of the girls who would harass her were roaming it in what resembled predatory packs. They kept eyeing her, making underhanded comments about her dress or her hair or her makeup - all of which she had slaved over meticulously for hours. It made her feel judged, targetted, and alone: all the emotions she was more than accustomed to by that point, but she had admittedly hoped not to feel them on this day that was allegedly supposed to be fun and celebratory. She opted to stick near the walls - more specifically the entrance to the gymnasium, as she was genuinely considering leaving early despite spending so much money and time just to go. What was the point in staying? It almost felt like she was waiting for those girls to notice her and more directly attack, or for her now ex-boyfriend to make some offhand comment about her being a whore. It’s what she expected at this point, she’d nearly made peace with it.

But suddenly, it was as if Jungeun’s entire world changed in an instant: as she hovered by the propped open doors to her high school’s gymnasium, and she heard a familiar voice from outside in the parking lot.

“That’s a _really_ nice dress.”

Jungeun’s heart skipped a beat, wondering if she was hearing things. She must’ve been, there was no way. Holding her breath from the anticipation, she turned to look--

\--and nearly swooned.

Jinsol stood there, her long hair subtly curled at the ends in a way Jungeun had never seen it before. She was donned in a full, fancy, pressed black and white tuxedo that somehow fit her form perfectly down to every last nuance. Adorably, she seemed a bit shy, slowly walking over to Jungeun with what could only be described as caution - as if she was afraid she’d be rejected or turned away, when in truth, that was the furthest thing in the world from Jungeun’s mind.

Jungeun approached without hesitation, pausing in front of Jinsol to just... look. She looked up at her subtle but expertly done makeup that perfectly accentuated her already beautiful features, at her fluffed little bowtie, at her deep blue cufflinks, at her polished shoes. She took her time to really look and just _appreciate_ the time and effort that must have gone into this gesture, and she was in what could only be described as awe. Jinsol stood, letting the brunette take it all in patiently.

“What...? How? Where did you get this from?” Jungeun asked, those questions only being at the top of a list of about a thousand that she had.

Jinsol shrugged modestly, “It doesn’t matter, c’mon,” She reached to tightly clasp Jungeun’s hand and walk the two of them into the gym. Jungeun was hesitant, moving to instead clutch Jinsol’s arm. She was scared. Her peers were more like vultures than classmates. Jinsol noticed, but didn’t stop. “Jungeun. You look amazing, own it! You should be strutting in here like you own the place, looking like this.” Jinsol endlessly hyped up the brunette, patting her hand repeatedly for extra support.

Jungeun took a long, much needed breath, before straightening her posture and walking with her head held high. It was likely the first time she’d done so in months, her pride had been ripped from her so many times before. Jinsol did the same, and the two practically parted the crowd on the dance floor effortlessly - turning heads from everyone in the room.

Jungeun nearly faltered, blushing to be practically as red as her scarlet dress, “They’re all staring...”

“Who cares? They’re just jealous.” Jinsol told her firmly, stopping them when they were dead in the center of the gym - just close enough to the speakers so that the music would drown out any peripheral comments that may have been made.

Jungeun shook her head, “Jealous of what...?”  


“Of _you_.” Jinsol didn’t miss a beat. “You’re breathtaking.”

Jungeun was struck absolutely speechless. She wasn’t sure what to say, she honestly wasn’t sure if any of this was real. She genuinely considered that perhaps the punch had been spiked, and she’d gotten blackout drunk and only hallucinated this. But she also knew that in truth, not even her dreams would have been so outlandish, so this could only be reality. Which was _so_ overwhelming.

“You too.” Jungeun softly muttered, daring to let a small smile creep to her face.

Jinsol giggled adorably, a blush warming her cheeks from the flattery. The song that had been playing ended abruptly, shifting to a slower pace. Clusters of friends vacated the dance floor to make way for coupled duos, and at first Jungeun moved to leave as well, only for Jinsol to hold her in place.

“Where’re you going?” She asked gently.

“I...” Jungeun wasn’t sure what to say. Every time she stared up into Jinsol’s eyes, it was like her brain just stopped working.

“You’re getting the prom you deserve. Here I am, your ‘boy in a tux,’ and here’s your slow song. C’mon, dance with me?” Jinsol extended her hand, just like she had in her room a few days before. Jungeun readily took it.

The two fell into the same familiar position they had in the past - Jungeun’s head settling perfectly against Jinsol’s shoulder and Jinsol’s hand cupping Jungeun’s hip as if it was made to rest there. They swayed wordlessly, silently, more than content to be with one another. Jungeun didn’t care anymore that they were still getting stares, she didn’t care that the venomous girls were likely coming up with an entire new slew of hateful names to call her, she didn’t care that she could see her ex dancing with his new girlfriend mere feet away. None of that mattered anymore. All that mattered was Jinsol, and that Jungeun could hear her steady heartbeat and smell her comfortingly familiar perfume. And even though Jinsol wasn’t exactly the “boy in a tux” image she’d had in her head, she realized that Jinsol was far better than any boy could’ve been.

The song slowly trailed off, finished and replaced with an upbeat pop one. The rest of the teens flooded the dance floor again, snapping the two girls out of their blissful stupor. Jinsol sighed happily, stepping away, but made sure to rest their foreheads together for a brief, intimate moment. Jungeun’s heart fluttered unexpectedly from the close proximity, wondering what exactly that feeling was and why it felt so similar to butterflies. The two stepped off the dance floor, Jungeun still clinging onto Jinsol’s arm and feeling incredibly unwilling to let go.

“How long do you wanna stay here for?” Jinsol asked softly, looking around in a sweeping motion to shoot glares at anyone who even glanced at Jungeun funny.

Jungeun shrugged, “Honestly? I’d rather just spend the night with you.”

Jinsol blinked a few times, wondering if she’d misheard that, “You mean like... not here? You wanna leave?”

Jungeun nodded, “There’s no real reason to stay. I proved my point to these people.”

Jinsol tilted her head curiously, “What point?”

“That people still care about me, despite everything they’ve done to try and change that.” Jungeun spoke with an unwavering, righteous confidence that felt so intensely healing and empowering to the young girl. More than any verbal or physical confrontation ever could have, Jungeun felt like she’d proved to all these terrible scumbags that they hadn’t broken her. They hadn’t ruined her like they’d so pleased. She was okay, despite it all, and her life would go on damn well without them.

Jinsol smiled, “I do care about you. And I’m really proud of you, too.” Jungeun’s heart was soaring. She hadn’t been that happy in months, years, perhaps even her entire life. And it was all thanks to Jinsol. She wasn’t sure what to say or how to properly articulate any of the innumerable emotions coursing through her, so she didn’t try. Instead, Jinsol spoke again, “And we can absolutely leave. It smells like sweaty hormonal teenagers in here. But before we go, would you mind pointing out your ex to me?”

Jungeun was confused, but trusted Jinsol implicitly. Without hesitation, she pointed toward him. He now hovered by the snack table, guffawing obnoxiously with his fellow jocks. Jinsol placed a gentle kiss on Jungeun’s temple before stepping away - leaving her positively stunned and nearly lightheaded from that unanticipated contact. Why was her heart beating so fast...?  


“Hey.” Jungeun vaguely heard Jinsol call out to the boy as she approached his back.

He spun around, looking Jinsol up and down in a way that nearly made Jungeun sick, before sneering, “Who let this dyke in here?”

The next second, he was on the floor. It was a quick, sharp punch that nobody had even remotely anticipated, and it hit him hard. He was sent careening into the aforementioned snack table, sprawling atop it and partially into the bowl of punch before tumbling over the other side. His jock friends were utterly dismayed, feeling as if they couldn’t hit a girl but also that they needed to defend their leader. One of them fled and grabbed the nearest adult, who harshly ushered Jinsol straight out the exit. He then stood guard and refused to readmit her into the gym, though she didn’t want to go back in anyway.

Jungeun was absolutely floored by what she’d just witnessed, but didn’t hesitate to rush outside as soon as the dust had settled. Jinsol casually paced the parking lot, shaking the hand she’d weaponized. Her knuckles had already started to bruise. One of them had split open.

The blonde spotted Jungeun running up to her and she shrugged humbly, a smug smile on her face, “In all honesty I planned to be civil, then he had to bust out the slurs on me and--” Jinsol’s words were stopped still by Jungeun practically throwing herself into her arms with such force that the older girl nearly staggered, “--oh!” She returned the embrace, chuckling warmly. Jungeun laughed too, a real, loud, genuine laugh of pure joy. “It was pretty cool, huh?”

Jungeun pulled back, staring up into Jinsol’s sparkling eyes again, “ _Yes_. Jinsol that was the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” The two girls were still coming down from the adrenaline high they’d both received from their rebellion, and moved to sit on the nearby curb side-by-side.

“Fucker deserved it! Can’t believe he’d treat you like that... hell, if I hadn’t gotten ratted out I would’ve punched half the girls in there too.” Jinsol boasted cockily, punching her wounded fist against her palm, only to wince and recoil.

Jungeun gently clasped Jinsol’s wounded hand, bringing the split knuckle to her lips and placing a gentle kiss there. It was a spontaneous gesture that Jinsol knew would make her incoherent, so she decided against speaking for a minute or so. Jungeun was alright with that, instead resting her head on the blonde’s shoulder as the two stared out at the parking lot as if it were some sort of gorgeous view. Jinsol still had enough sense to gentle trace her thumb along Jungeun’s hand, letting her mind wander.

Meanwhile, Jungeun decided to say something that she’d realized at some point in between that kiss to her temple and the punch to her ex’s face.

“I think I’m gay.”

Jinsol’s entire body flinched, and the flustered girl blinked a few times - wondering if she’d imagined that confession as well. “Huh?”

Jungeun didn’t hesitate in repeating herself, “I think I’m gay.”

Jinsol cleared her throat, hoping that Jungeun wouldn’t notice the way that her hand had started shaking, “...oh! What um... what made you realize...?”

Jungeun didn’t feel the need to answer. Instead, she gently tilted Jinsol’s head toward her and closed the small space between them - giving her response with a simple kiss. Jinsol stiffened at first, shocked, and Jungeun drew away worried she’d made a mistake. That worry lasted just as long as it took Jinsol to process what had just happened: a whole two seconds. Jinsol was quick to close that space again, cupping Jungeun’s jaw in her hands and kissing her with everything she had.

And Jungeun felt special all over again. It was only then that she realized these moments that were so few and far between had one connection: Jinsol. Jinsol made her feel special, Jinsol made her feel safe and at home and appreciated and like she was _worth_ something. Only Jinsol. And Jinsol was special too. So incredibly, indescribably special.


End file.
